Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Reverb14 - RELEASE...

Today is Day 2 for Reverb14, my friend, and today's prompt for Reverb14 is this:

What unfinished projects from 2014 are you willing to release now? (Regret not required)*

I can say with certainty that one unfinished project I'll give up on is having a tidy and organized studio space:

My creative studio as it looks, with some changes to what is sitting on the table at any given time!

Especially since it appears that no working artist ever has a truly tidy OR organized studio space, if the artists linked in this fabulous blog post by Seth Apter are any indication!

I'm happy to release the idea that MONEY was a good idea to use as my Word of the Year...since I never really journaled much about how this word would help guide me in 2014, I'm not at all surprised that MONEY barely showed up in my life this year...

Sadly though, when reading this prompt, what really comes to mind is releasing the idea that I'll ever be a well paid artist...never mind being able to earn decent money ever again, in any capacity, anywhere...because here is a truth I can say with absolute certainty:

I simply CAN NOT go back to work for a company environment again

My last big office job, that I got laid off from over 3 years ago**, really screwed up my head and when I say screwed up my head, I mean that I have aversions to being in front of a computer for long periods of time (so I don't blog as often or send out my newsletter!), I get irritated with program/system upgrades (because I have to learn them ALL OVER AGAIN which takes time away from MAKING THINGS!), and I experience memory retention problems, sometimes for the littlest things (despite my using a planner and writing down virtually EVERYTHING)...

Some people would say that this is probably due to getting older, but I remember how my brain worked BEFORE being burned out to the point of a nervous breakdown with my old job and it makes me frustrated that I don't function as well as I used to.

Working on my own schedule, according to my own rhythms works better for me, but I have been attempting to carve out my creative career on my own, since I don't have MONEY to pay other people to help me with goals I have, such as creating video tutorials and online ecourses.

I know I have a LOT to share with others to help them reconnect to their creativity, but I don't have a community of people who can help me get there...so I feel that I have to release my hopes of completing these goals.

At least for now...



* - This prompt comes to us from Max Daniels and you can read her take on her prompt HERE

** - You can read the start of my crap job story HERE and learn more details about why it was such crap HERE

4 comments:

Christine Gautreaux said...

LOVE the name and purpose of your blog and your studio pic makes me want to come play!

Deborah Weber said...

While I'm truly sorry financial abundance hasn't shown up in wild abandon (yet), I so celebrate you carving out a creative life that brings you joy, rather than working in a corporate environment that doesn't.

And I'm totally holding that your community shows up as well.

Tat said...

I feel your pain having to do everything on your own. I find that it always seems to be a choice - do you go and create something or do you spend time and effort building a community. You are building an abundant life in more than one way and hopefully, money will show up for you eventually. Small steps add up.

Kat McNally said...

I see you. Navigating your way between your awful experience and your heart's truest desires.
You once sent me a hand stamped quote from Martin Luther King Jnr that read: “Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.”
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, my friend. x