Monday, April 28, 2014

April Moon - Secret Reflections...

Hello Dear Blog Readers,
As I mentioned in my Sunday Snippets post of yesterday, it's been a quiet week, which I've been in need of after working on samples to create a new book-making workshop. As a result, I am a little behind in keeping up with April Moon 14, a daily writing challenge hosted by my blog buddy Kat McNally.

However, there are 2 prompts that have been calling to me, so I will be writing about them a little bit today...


SECRET
What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?

Here are some 'secrets' I've been grappling with lately:

I have yet to do ANY journaling around my Word Of The Year for 2014 - MONEY...and I know this is impacting me in a very negative way, as in, I've made NO MONEY for over 2 months, which has been EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING...

I have been struggling with feelings of depression, which is not a new issue for me, but then I realized that you dear blog readers probably don't know that about me...

I have been struggling with feelings of rage and resentment toward particular people in my life, half of them family, half of them (thankfully!) not family...

I have been struggling to make some progress in my new studio space with a few small boxes unpacked and some items being put into place:

Finally found my box of rubber stamps that have always been displayed in this tray - unpacked AND organized in a matter of minutes!

I am struggling to find my way into making my new place a place that feels like HOME for ME...



REFLECTION
What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?

3. a fixing of the thoughts on something...

For some time now, I have been feeling that the aforementioned items are all inter-connected in some way and causing some serious blocks to my financial abundance, but NOT to my creativity, since I don't really believe in creative blocks, as I wrote about here a few weeks ago...

And while I am taking little actions toward things I can physically change, it hasn't been so easy to take actions toward my feelings of rage, resentment and frustration, especially when I feel that I have no outlet for expressing these feelings and lack of EXpression often leads to DEpression and trying to simply 'release' these feelings is not as effective as I would like it to be...

I have often used my creative skills to alleviate my bad feelings by creating something pretty I could enjoy, such as a new skirt or a new piece of jewelry. Creating has always been something I could turn to when I experienced feelings of anger or sadness and transmuting the feelings into an object of beauty often provides me great comfort, but I have been so tired lately, that all I have energy for is watching movies, but at least I try to watch uplifting or humorous movies or my favorite costume dramas.

However, these little 'monsters' that have been residing in my head lately are really bugging me and I've been thinking that perhaps turning them into physical 'monsters' might help me transform them into 'little helpers' instead of them continuing to cause mischief as they reside 'rent-free*' in my head! I once made such a little 'monster' to help a friend channel her feelings of rage toward she someone she had to work with and it helped her, so maybe, if I do the same thing for myself, it will provide some much needed relief...

'Angry Doll' made for a friend who was dealing with a horrible co-worker - shaking this dolly helped her release her feelings so she could work more effectively!

Yes, it might be time to create a 'monster' or two that symbolize the issues or people that have been nagging at me and living 'rent-free' in my head...and if there's anything I can't stand, it's a 'monster' living RENT-FREE because if anyone should be living rent-free, it should be ME!!! ;)

I will continue to reflect on this idea for a little while longer and when I take some little actions toward making a 'monster' I'll share it here with you...

And maybe you might want to join me in making a 'monster' of your own???


* - Somewhere, I found this concept that letting annoying people bother you, or get under your skin, is akin to letting them live 'rent-free' in your head!

2 comments:

Kathryn Hansen said...

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so powerless lately...when I'm feeling like that I try to recall times that I did feel powerful...when I tap into those feelings and take small steps to get back into alignment and tell myself that I am a powerful creator, I work my way up the emotional scale to happiness, well-being and love. Which is a far better place to be!

And just to put this out there...your creativity has been growing by leaps and bounds...your journals are just awesome Monica!! I know you will get there...just sometimes it's a long journey!!

Cathy {tinniegirl} said...

I'm sorry to read that you are struggling with all these things Monica. Having spent the last year in my own struggles I really feel for you and hope that things shift for you soon.