Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Some Thoughts During This August (Blue) Moon

Hello Dear Blog Readers,
I've been following along with "August Moon", a series of thoughtful prompts hosted by one of my blog buddies, Kat who blogs at I Saw You Dancing, and some of the recent prompts got me to thinking, which I want to share with you.

The prompt for day 8 of August Moon was this:

"What are three things you would like to let go of before the year is out? See if you can list three physical things and three emotional ones."

I can think of quite a few things I want to let go of before the year is out. Here is my list of things I want to let go of, physical, emotional or otherwise:

Let go of the clutter in my life

I want very much to let go of the clutter in my home/studio space. I know it is blocking me in so many ways from physical to emotional and this clutter no longer feels good nor does it serve me, but I am having SUCH a hard time doing the physical work to de-clutter and it feels like I'm not making any headway whatsoever. This clutter has been adding to my recent feelings of discouragement...

Let go of unnecessary clothes

My personal clothes closet is really not over packed and I know this because I've seen some pretty packed clothes closets in my day! However, I have been feeling that I may have more clothes than are necessary these days especially since I have not had a daily office job that necessitated a daily outfit. In fact, since I do much of my work from home these days, I've been realizing that I don't even need many of the clothes I've been holding onto, and this goes for the shoes I've been keeping that have not been worn in over two years. These could certainly go to a thrift shop for others to get some use and wear from, instead of languishing in my closet...this is not easy since I do love clothes and often make my own, but I am willing to work to let go of unneeded garments!

Let go of my vintage Etsy shop

I've been feeling the need to close down my vintage Etsy shop, where I sold many of my grandmothers wonderful treasures to fellow vintage aficionados, but I have not felt like taking the time to photograph or list any of the remaining items. Though continuing with my vintage shop could bring in much needed extra funds, I have felt the need to let go of this endeavor to make room in my life for focusing on my own hand crafted goods Etsy shop, to use the time to create more goods to photograph, list and sell...

Let go of my money fears

This is a big one, especially in the face of some hard realities. I have been working toward a creative career because my efforts at finding a 'day job' were going nowhere, and this was before getting laid off from my last job. Nothing has come out of any jobs I have applied for and nothing has panned out so far with my creative career efforts, in any real tangible way. I have been starting to feel very real fears that I will never be able to earn money again, in the face of the current economic landscape. I have always been resourceful and managed what little money I have always earned, but currently, things are financially tighter than I have ever experienced and this really scares me. I need to let go of my money fears or I will have trouble moving forward in any real way and I need to force myself to remember that I have ALWAYS found paid work to earn my living, one way or another...

Let go of my anger and resentment

Yes, Dear Blog Readers, I harbor anger and resentment! I am not immune to these feelings and, sadly, being born under the sign of SCORPIO, I tend to hang onto these feelings for many, many years, than is necessary. I have been working very hard at releasing these feelings and it has been SO DAMN HARD, especially when people in my life behave in ways that re-trigger my anger/resentment, or trigger old resentments from long ago. But I know that releasing these feelings will help to clear emotional space that can allow good things to come into my life and I really need good things to come into my life right now...

Let go of my feelings of unworthiness

I work very hard to keep the feeling of unworthiness at bay, but sometimes it creeps in, and does so in insidious my cluttered my efforts at a creative career not working out (that I can see so far!) seeing people around me living in ways that seem so effortless, with little work involved. These things start to add up and I start to feel as though there is something wrong with ME, because I don't have a perfectly clean home, I don't have a 'real' job that earns me $50,000, I don't live in a very very very fine house with two dogs in the yard, I don't own a brand new environmentally sound automobile and I'm not skinny - all of which I feel surrounded by daily. It is often hard to hang onto my sense of self in this kind of environment and making art often helps keep the unworthiness at bay, since I draw much of my sense of self from being creative...and this leads me to the prompt for Day 9 of August Moon:

"What do you need to prioritize to end the year on a high note?"

I need to prioritize being creative JUST FOR ME, even if only for 10 minutes a day. Being creative, working with my hands, has ALWAYS been a HUGE source of self worth for me and I need this touchstone to keep the feelings of unworthiness at bay, until they disappear altogether...if they ever really disappear!
I need to prioritize my time and my energy in ways that will bring me opportunities to use my skill sets in ways that benefit others, not just myself. I do not yet know how this will all work out, but I have a start: volunteering my many skills to help out a great local non-profit arts organization.

I also know that prioritizing my energy will mean spending less time in the company of people who do not add positively to my life. This may mean spending less time in the company of old friendships forged under different circumstances than I am now living in, spending less time with people who have become fearful or negative, people who fear the unknown, or people who are afraid to take personal responsibility for their own lives. I feel myself growing out of these old behaviors and being around people who are still immersed in such behaviors no longer resonates for me.

I have definitely been feeling the rumblings of forging new friendships and alliances that are in alignment with my values and I look forward to seeing how this takes shape in the weeks/months to come.

These are the things that have come to mind from these August Moon prompts for me. What have you begun to ponder reading these prompts and my musings of them? I'd love to hear about them...

Many thanks to Kat and Meredith for hosting this wonderful event that celebrates the magic of a Blue Moon. Stop by their blogs to say hello or join the fun here - these prompts are definitely worth pondering!


Julie Jordan Scott said...

I am so glad to visit here for the first time. Your clear voice shines through your words - and I send my love and affirmation of all you say here.

Brava, dear one, brava!


Thank you Creative Beast for addressing an issue that is in the forefront of my concerns right now. Friends, past, present, and future. I always thought that one is silver and the other is gold--you know keep them all. It is a challenge to leave negative friends behind or any friend behind because I am changing. I am glad that I am not alone in my thoughts about this topic. Great to see you here!

Beth said...

Oh how we are alike, down to the Scorpio component.

Funny you should mention clutter and clothing, too. I've been cleaning out clothing I've held onto for years, getting rid of the stuff that is perfectly good but no longer serves my needs, including some of my beloved books, believe it or not!

Thanks for your comments on my post too. Blessings to you!

Kat McNally said...

So much opportunity for spaciousness here, my friend. My your letting go make space for clarity, focus and calm as the year comes to an end. x