Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Block I've Been Living In - Part One

I've been hinting at a workshop I recently participated in hosted by my life coach Pete and his co-facilitator Wendie, both of whom I have worked with in the past in previous workshops they have conducted for creating abundance in your life. They have been working on expanding the early workshops and in February they tested their new curriculum in a four week series and I was invited to be a test participant! It was very exciting to have been asked and I was looking forward to the series.

The first week was fun and light-hearted as we covered material that had been shared in the previous workshops but the second week brought some interesting things to the fore...

In the second week we worked through a list of things we tolerate in our lives and we examined how these 'tolerations' affect us in our daily lives, how they  take energy from us, energy that could be better used elsewhere.

We were given a list of things to check off, but I had to create a whole section that was not included - NEIGHBORHOOD. Let me elaborate on this...

Bit by bit the neighborhood (or "block" as we often call it here in the US) I have called home for more than 2 decades has been changing and not for the better. The things I 'tolerate' in my neighborhood on my block lately are:
  • hearing the sounds of 'house music' or hip hop well past midnight and loud enough to make the floor of my apartment vibrate
  • the smell of weed being smoked on a nightly basis, sometimes in daylight as I take my morning walk!
  • loud neighbors arguing up the block
  • occasional litter in the streets and on the sidewalks
  • abandoned furniture on the sidewalk until the city FINALLY arrives to take it away
  • young men hanging around on the street corners smoking cigarettes
  • police helicopters flying overhead almost weekly

It has been very hard for me to face the truth of how much this neighborhood has changed because it means that I have to face the truth of how it's time for me to leave this neighborhood...and I have been unable to think of that because it's an expense I've been unable to afford, which sets off my issue of money and not earning enough - strangely a block of a different nature and a block I've also lived in for a very long time!

Seeing how much I tolerate in the neighborhood I live in brought to mind an interesting definition of "tolerate" that I had read somewhere many years ago:

"Tolerating is half loving and half hating something and tolerating something is not an act of LOVE"

...and as we all know, LOVE opens more doors than it closes.

An open heart can open the doors for Joy and Goodness to come in...

I began to realize that tolerating my living situation has been a block that has kept me feeling stuck in a cycle - no money means I can not move into a home and neighborhood that I deserve to live in and despite the cleaning and clearing I've been doing to make my home a place of personal sanctuary, I still live in an ever-growing unsafe neighborhood. This point was driven home the very next day after that workshop as I had a convergence of screaming neighbors and flying helicopters happening for 15 minutes!

Sometimes messages from the Universe are not always nice ones and I got this message loud and clear - "its time to leave this neighborhood"!

Okay, Universe! I hear you! ;)

But before I can think of moving away from this neighborhood I know I have to figure out how to deal with my issues around money and the next workshop session would begin to show me some issues I didn't even know I had...

The third week of workshop brought up even more stuff I had to examine but before I could examine it, I had to make a discovery that had been lying under the surface for a very long time because I was hiding it under the guise of "Positive Thinking"...yes, "positive thinking" was becoming a NEGATIVE force in my life!

I'll share the third week workshop in my next post, so stay tuned!

2 comments:

Kat @ I Saw You Dancing said...

Oh, yes! I hear you on all of this.
Good on you for taking the leap and plunging into these murky issues. I'm particularly interested to hear your thoughts about money.
I recently read a fantastic book that bulldozes the whole notion of enforced positive thinking: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. Well worth tracking down!
Thanks for sharing this sensitive, humbling journey with us. xx

SueAnn said...

It is tough to look into the book of our lives but oh so necessary.
Can't wait to hear what part three brought!
Hugs
SueAnn