Once again, I've been a bit quiet here at my blog for reasons that have been hard to write about since it deals with feelings of ISOLATION. Luckily, the Universe sent a message through an Earth Angel* to help me move out of the darkness...
One of my blog buddies, Kat, has started a great weekly prompt called Worthiness Wednesday and today she posted a great prompt in asking for help.
Asking for help is a tough thing for many women, since we are taught at an early age to help others, often at the cost of our own selves. This is not a "helpful" behavior to have and I have long battled the urge to do it all myself. I have been learning in the past few years to ask others for help in such things as creating my blog banner and blog button (thanks to my dear boyfriend!), how to start a blog (thanks to this VERY funny fellow performance artist and creative gal), and how to begin living on my own terms (thanks to my awesome Life Coach!).
But sometimes it's hard to know when you need help, especially when you are facing a unique situation and don't know how to proceed...
Thanks to Kat's prompt in asking for help, it FINALLY dawned on me that what I need at this time in my life is HELP - help in dealing with the daily isolation I face every day I walk into the office. I know its only 36 more working days until my last day at this job, but I have been suffering through the ordeal of extreme isolation in my office nearly every day for over a year and it's been overwhelming...
Luckily, I've been greeted with these lovely roses when I enter "The Compound", but it still feels like a prison here, despite the beauty...
I do have a cool co-worker who also blogs and he does stop by the office when he can, but his job mostly takes him out in the field. The other staff I (supposedly!) work with in my 'department', including my current supervisor, have been hiding out at different facility that is more convenient for them to drive to, which has added resentment to rage at my isolation...
This "rage doll" was made for my previous supervisor to HELP her deal with a difficult colleague...I miss my old supervisor - she GOT me!
Now you might think I should explain the situation to my current supervisor but they were unable to separate the difference of isolation from being lonely. I had to tell this story in order to illustrate the difference:
One morning at work, I went out to my car to get my lunch bag but had forgotten my security badge back in my office on my desk. I was now locked out of the building and NO ONE ELSE WAS IN THE BUILDING. There is another department** that works in our facility, but no one had arrived to work yet beside myself. I had my car keys, but no driver license to drive anywhere, no cell phone (also left on my desk), no wallet to use a pay phone if there had been one. I thought I could wait it out for someone from the other department to arrive but after 20 minutes passed the thought that they might be at an ALL DAY TRAINING occurred to me and then I began to have a crying fit at being locked out of the building and no one to help me.
I was ISOLATED with no sign of HELP anywhere.
After 45 minutes someone from the other department finally showed up (but the idea that I was working in a hostile and isolating environment had already established itself).
My current supervisor still doesn't understand and I don't really want them around me anyway...moving on! ;)
I have written about the job situation in a previous post and when I look back on that post I realize that it was stripped of all emotion...at least I think it was. But I have to be honest before I can ask for help:
I have been battling so much rage due to the isolation I have endured for so very long and I'm so tired of it!
Thanks to my life coach I have slowly been whittling away at the rage but lately the isolation has been affecting me keenly and I haven't been able to figure out how to work through it...until Kat suggested asking for help.
All in a flash, I thought of a possible way to ask for help from YOU, Dear Blog Reader. I need to find a way to get through the daily isolation from now until approximately June 30th and this is my request for help and possibly a radical one:
I would LOVE to receive a small token from you by mail, sent to my work address. I thought it should be sent to my home address, but I am feeling the isolation most acutely at the office and to receive a token item at that location would be the best thing for me. It would remind me that there is someone out there who is acknowledging the fact that I need some contact with the outside world and that contact is COMING TO ME WHERE I NEED IT MOST.
When I ask for a small token here is what I have in mind:
- a post card of someplace different with a fun message - feel free to send a hokey travel souvenir postcard! Some of you readers come from across the pond and postcards from those places would be a great addition to my collection of postcards from other peoples travels =-)
- send a lovely quote of humor or thoughtfulness
- send a letter telling me of something interesting you did the day you wrote the letter - reading about someone else's day will take me out of my own day!
- make a fun art tag and send it
- send a scrap of fabric or ribbon and I do mean SCRAP! I really don't need fabric or ribbons at this time ;)
- send a small drawing or photograph - it doesn't even have to be one you made!
- send a message of encouragement regarding my future creative endeavors
- send me a joke or funny story - I LOVE jokes!
- send me some of your favorite music on a disc - I LOVE music!
- send a cool business card you've seen - I love seeing cool business cards! You can even send me YOUR business card - I'm sure it looks fabulous!
- a funny comic you enjoy - it's been AGES since I last looked at the funny pages of my local newspaper =-(
- anything fun and creative you care to send my way - I trust you to CREATE something wonderful!
I believe that receiving anything on the above list will help me get through my days and create a type of magic I really need in this last stretch of employment in a horrible environment. I believe YOU, Dear Blog Reader can help me create that magic!
mail art is like magic traveling through the postal system =-)
And now, here are just a few things I don't want:
- quotes on endurance, perseverance or resilience - I think we can now establish I have LOTS of that! ;)
- items of "office" humor - I prefer to think ahead to my creative future =-)
- please do not send anything too bulky - our mail box is not a big one and I do prefer something small for reasons I'll state below...
In exchange for you sending some HELP my way I will send something of equal value back to you: postcard, fabric scrap, quote, drawing or photo, etc. I may even send you a mail art postcard hand made by yours truly! It may take a bit of time to send my "thank you" but you will receive something for helping me get through my days.
If you are interested in sending a little help my way, please e-mail me at thecreativebeast (at) gmail (dot) com*** and I can send you the address to send your token of assistance and encouragement.
I would say that you can email me a message but I would prefer to have an actual item to handle that I can keep - I may even make an art book from whatever is sent my way! I will certainly share that with you and I will definitely share what comes in as it comes in...and if only one item comes through, this request has been worth it!
I have been holding back tears as I have been writing this post - the act of asking for this help has really unloaded a burden I have been carrying for so long and I have Kat to thank for this relief. Kat, you are amazing!
PLEASE GO TO KAT'S POST and think about where YOU can ask for help in your life. It is a very relieving thing to do and we really DON'T have to do it all, all by ourselves...
We are worthy of help in our lives.
* - you know those Earth Angels who show up with words of wisdom, sympathy, humor, or who show up to help when most needed - we are all Earth Angels throughout our lives
** - I do see the other folks in the other department but I don't feel free to just pop into their office for a chat, but I do see them around the facility throughout the day
*** - please do send an e-mail - I usually respond to comments privately but not all commenters have the option of responding directly to them but I can always respond to an e-mail =-)