Monday, July 19, 2010

Abundance, Scarcity and the Melting In-Between...

My creative play-space is a huge mess as I continue to sort through all my goods. It makes me think of a recent post by my blog buddy Kat of "I Saw You Dancing". She wrote of questions she asks herself about feeling bad when things in her life are good and she is grateful for it all, yet she is still bothered by ...something. I am  glad to see that she is learning to lean into the discomfort of that unhappiness because it is honoring her TRUE FEELINGS whatever they are, for whatever reason she is having them, and our feelings will always teach us something we need to know...

the messy closet in June - maybe clearing the outer space will help with the inner space??


I was particularly struck by the paraphrased quote from Wayne Muller

Abundance is a fearful response to scarcity. Sufficiency invokes satisfaction and well-being. How are you confusing the two? How do you know when you have enough?

My initial reaction to the first sentence in this quote was the observation of how others talk so much about abundance and the concept of the fear of scarcity underlying all of that. In Los Angeles, I am surrounded by a lot of New Age theology and a LOT of affluence - an affluence I could not begin to keep up with and, I've discovered, that I do not wish to keep up with. I've come to learn that much of that affluence is used to cover a great many things, most of them bad feelings that many people just don't want to deal with. But the bad feelings will always teach us something we need to know and only then can we move beyond those feelings...

The second sentence in the quote was quite heartening:

Sufficiency invokes satisfaction and well being...



This really spoke to me as I have worked hard to be self-sufficient and my many skills in creativity provide so much satisfaction and well-being for me. I have learned to make do with what I have and my creativity is something that has been born out of having a limited income. I can not afford high-end clothing or furnishings but I can be creative with what I DO have and what I CAN DO and I cherish those skills and the environment I have been able to create with them. It is MY STYLE and it is authentic, mess and all...


 the closet is getting a little more stream-lined, these days, but there's still a ways to go...

Finally, the last two sentences in the quote are certainly worth pondering:


How are you confusing the two? How do you know when you have enough?

As I look at the abundance of goods in my home I have come to realize that I have TOO MUCH!...and I'm realizing this is due to my own fears of scarcity having worked with a limited income virtually my entire life. It's something I often fear I will not be able to move beyond, this limited income...



MELTING...(DOWN?)

This fear really struck me this weekend as I spent more time at my dear boyfriends air-conditioned abode to ride out a heat wave that occurred since my own rent-controlled abode has no air conditioning to speak of. It is really hard to do much of anything (creating, cleaning, clearing) in such a hot space and I had a meltdown as I came to grips with the reality of my circumstances: no a/c, no internet at home, no savings to speak of and no decent job opportunities. It really made me question my abilities:

Why can't I find a better paying job?
Are my skills not as great as I think they are?
Or is it the Universe sending the message that office work is not where I should be anymore??

These doubts nearly got in my way of meeting three fabulous artists this weekend. Some of the classmates in the Kelly Rae Roberts e-course thought of meeting up, which took place on Saturday and I almost didn't go! I was beginning to have so many doubts about my skills in 'earning a living', it began to seep into my faith in my skills as an artist...thankfully my dear boyfriend helped me to shift my perspective and used a reference* that made my heart sing as he gently reminded me that I have much experience with art and creativity, despite my living circumstances and it's not that I live on the 'wrong side of the tracks'**, I just live on a different side of them!

Well, I'm glad I drove out to the meeting spot and took a moment to speak with my dear boyfriend before getting out of the car - it was great to meet with three fabulous artists who are on the path of creativity and learning to make a creative business pay off. Three amazing women who are moving forward making their creative passions into viable businesses...

...and if they can do it, I can too, despite the messiness and the melting =-)




* -  yeah, he gets me!

** - those train tracks are now the Metro Orange Line of the San Fernando Valley and it's a LOT quieter than the old trains that used to go by ;)

9 comments:

Cathy {Tinniegirl} said...

I can totally relate to these fears. I have been in such a similar place lately and to some degree still am.

We simply must keep going. What other choice is there? Art is in our hearts.

humel said...

Your posts are always so interesting and thought-provoking. Yay you :-)

Louise Gale said...

Oh my yes yes I am there too, (thiank goodness its not just me!). thanks for this post Monica. Ive also been clearing out and making my creative space more inviting for me. Im getting there. I think its almost like feathering a nest to get things ready for the new born! (new born being all this creativity that is going to just burst out!)

Gwynnie B said...

Your posts always have a message and I love reading them. And I love how you stepped outside of your "messiness" to go and share YOU with other creative souls!

I've been living on a different side of the tracks forever, and it's quite beautiful here...

Kathryn Hansen said...

sometimes on the way to making more money and viable businesses we forget it's really all about the journey...i know i have to remind myself now and then when i over do it!

chrissy said...

i.m back and loved reading your words today. SOOO happy that you didn.t miss the opportunity to meet new artistic souls.

"just keep swimming"

you are a wealth of talent my dear....don.t forget that others BELIEVE that and SEE that in you.

xo
chrissy

I Saw You Dancing said...

My friend, thank you for pondering my words so deeply. I really love the way you have thought through what they mean for you (I did actually think of you when I read the Wayne Muller section paraphrased, recalling that abundance was an important consideration in your life).
The more I think about it, the more I fear that striving for abundance makes me feel inadequate... and brings up a lot of cultural and family baggage that is no longer relevant or, perhaps more accurately, does not serve me well.
SARK often says, "You are enough, you have enough, and you do enough." Why is that so hard for us to hear?
I love the way dear Doug really hears your pain and sees your struggles, and reminds you of the best parts of your self. And I am so proud of the way you continue to step up to your dreams and join other artists as an equal.
Your dreams are meant for you, and you are meant for them. You have talent, you have time, and you have tenacity (TTT!) and that's all you need.
You are enough, just as you are. And you are marvellous.

Robin Norgren said...

I am so happy for you for showing up-it TRULY is the first step in claiming your IDENTITY! BRAVO!

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